What does it mean to be masculine? I often battle with this question. I remember when I first started working with the youth and primarily young men; I observed how they cracked jokes on each other, engaged in wrestling with one another, and how they physically took pride on who was the strongest. How they dressed and what they deemed being masculine intrigued me.

Coming from California, I always thought masculinity meant being a provider, a protector, an entrepreneur/hustler, and men who owned guns to protect their families if need be. In addition, men dressed in baggy pants and wore durags. Traveling the world and stepping outside my environment allowed me to see men in a different light. I learned that Atlanta men did not gangbang but they did rep their zone. Atlanta men seemed to be a lot different from California men. Also, they were more family oriented, loved women, but over sexualized women to a point where it was highly uncomfortable. The men there loved polo and I mean polo, Ralph Lauren everything. My tenure in Atlanta, Georgia allowed me to cherish southern men and their hospitality. Although this is a generalization, this is my experience.

Furthermore, up north men were hustlers. They were about their money and did not mind sharing it like southern men. They talked fast and sometimes too fast to where it made me think they were trying to scam me. I was always on the defense. They took pride and how they dressed and they reminded me a lot like California men. They were gang members too; sometimes I was confused on how they were from a gang that started in California and was now in New York or New Jersey but that’s another topic.

Now to my Caribbean and African men….They are very possessive and really do not put much emphasis on clothing unless it’s their cultures attire. There seems to be more of a sense of protection and providing from these men. They seem to have the similar upbringing of a southern man. My observations are just observations. This is not true for all.

Now to my more mature outlook on men. As a full adult, I am talking over 25 years old and with a more developing executive functioning. I am now attracted to a man that can wear a suit, opens doors, and calls you on the phone instead of text, wear his shorts above his knees, own more of a diverse wardrobe except for just Jordan, and can have a very intellectual conversation. I find that these men are considered Emo or metro sexual. Again, what does this all mean? As a woman I don’t believe I can really explain this to anyone. I believe I can ask men and not judge them with my preconceive notions of who they are suppose to be. Even the bible has us all confused. Men are suppose to provide, protect, love their wife like God loves the church but what does this all mean. Does that mean women should not work? Be independent? What if she is a great leader and can make executive decisions under pressure and her husband cannot? Does that mean he is not a man and cannot lead?

What does femininity and Masculinity really mean? Or is it best that both are androgynous because having both masculine and feminine energy is the true definition of being a human. We are shaped by or biological, psychological, and social make up. Why do we generalize and put individuals in a box when frankly they are more than their environment? Humans are flexible and ever changing. We are more than what any book can tell us to be or what you may see on TV/social media. Can we break down our stereotypes and what it means to be a black man in America, or better yet a Black Man period!