This is a very touchy topic being that I’ve worked with families over my 10 year career in the mental health field but refuse to have children at this moment.
Most individuals hate getting feedback from me and their favorite line is, “how can you tell me how to parent and you are not one.” Well I studied families, attachment theory, and child development for the past ten years. Does that make me an expert? I wouldn’t say yes but I can’t say No.
Parenting is a tough task. Your child is technically a replica of you. Just imagine, scientifically they say we get half chromosomes from dad and half from mom. What are those chromosomes? Well science say our chromosomes become our genes. Our genes become our phenotype and our phenotype is our make up, I.e. eye color, hair color, pigment, etc.
So if all of this is true, scientifically wouldn’t our children receive parts of our personality, attitude, thinking process, athletic ability etc.? Of course! I say all these to say, be aware of who you are, so you can be aware of who your children are. If we can make the argument that post traumatic slave syndrome exist and there are plenty of generational curses, we can make the argument that our children will turn out just like us. There is an old saying that my aunts say, “keep up that attitude and your child will be ten times worse.”
I oftentimes imagine, do we truly think before bringing children into this world. Are we mentally and emotionally ready? I know we can’t protect our children from everything but we can protect them from ourselves.
Parenting requires you to be whole and heal your own traumas so that your children are not reliving them. I will not debate on if a two parent household is better than one. I will just reiterate how important it is to “KNOW THYSELF.”
While studying psychology I was introduced to Genograms. Every since then, I have made sure my potential husband does one as well. Get to know thyself with this exercise and understand what chromosomes your child will potentially be receiving. Introspection is the best teacher.